Yoga. I love yoga. However, I’ve been avoiding my mat for several months now… until this morning. The reasons are many. First, I’m avoiding muscle shake. It’s been several months, and I know I’m going to have to build up again… and that means shaking while holding my poses. But this isn’t the main reason. Nope. The main reason is because yoga is the fastest way for me to tune in and align myself with my maker and myself. When I’m out of whack, I get a lot of head noise and I can’t think clearly. There are some things I haven’t wanted to deal with and when I’m on my mat, it has it’s way of bubbling out of me and things unravel and become clear.
When I do yoga, I like to light a candle. I don’t know why, I just do. I guess in the midst of stretching and twisting and breathing and holding certain poses that make me feel like a pretzel, I look at the flame and it remains constant and unchanged. Stable when I don’t feel so stable myself.
So, today I realized a few things about myself. Things that wouldn’t have been brought to the surface unless I went to my mat. Things I knew I was suppressing, yet didn’t want to admit I was and didn’t really know what they were… and ultimately things that were clogging my creativity.
Fear. Fear is a big thing in my life and something we all have to look at face to face from time to time. Interestingly, I didn’t realize this was what I was harboring… until I hit my mat. There, it all unraveled before me… along with the realization that I have some work to do, a journey before me.
Then I look at my candle. Burning, constant. My light, my center and I realize it represents my Savior. Never changing, light, bright, waiting for me to find my way, constant, ready for me to come to Him. I tear up. I confess all this fear to Him. I stretch. He tells me, don’t be afraid, I am with you, and then I allow the stretch… giving in… I tear up again. He’s there, I still feel His presence. I feel He’s leading me asking what’s your biggest fear? What do you think you can’t handle? I tear up again… I confess and I look at my candle again. I’m safe, and I’ve made a realization… once again. Let go and let God. I am powerless. This is something I cannot change. I cry. It’s going to be a process and I will have to work on laying down what I am powerless over.
I look closer at my candle and look at the label.
Whoever says God doesn’t doesn’t talk to us… isn’t listening. And whoever says God doesn’t have a sense of humor… well that’s not been the God of my understanding. I am left this morning reassured of much, aware of my avoidance and ready to deal with my fear. Only because I know I’m never alone. Only because I trust… just for today… I trust. Can’t think about tomorrow… just today.
I open my email. My verse for today: “He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” ~ Psalm 62:2, NLT
Friend, if you have something you’re holding onto… I encourage you…
Let go and let God.
He can handle it so much better than we can.